Geç sevdim seni, ey çok eski ve çok yeni güzellik; geç sevdim seni. Oysa sen içimdeydin, ben dışarıdaydım ve orada arıyordum seni.\n\nBağırdın ve haykırdın ve sağırlığımı kırdın. Işıldadın ve parladın, körlüğümü bozguna uğrattın. Koktun ve ben nefesimi tuttum ve şimdi seni soluyorum. Seni tattım ve şimdi sana karşı aç ve susuzum. Bana dokundun ve senin huzuruna ulaşmak için yanıp tutuşuyorum.
Bu metin hakkında
Batı edebiyatının ilk otobiyografisi. Augustinus, hırsızlık, şehvet ve entelektüel kibirden Milano'daki bir bahçede din değiştirmeye uzanan yolculuğunu anlatır. Kısmen anı, kısmen dua, kısmen felsefedir.
Translated by E.B. Pusey (1838). The Confessions is the first autobiography in Western literature. Augustine traces his restless journey from sin and intellectual pride to conversion. Public domain.
Book I: The Restless Heart
Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it repose in Thee.
Grant me, Lord, to know and understand which is first, to call on Thee or to praise Thee? and, again, to know Thee or to call on Thee? for who can call on Thee, not knowing Thee? for he that knoweth Thee not, may call on Thee as other than Thou art. Or, is it rather, that we call on Thee that we may know Thee?
But how shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? or how shall they believe without a preacher? and they that seek the Lord shall praise Him: for they that seek shall find Him, and they that find shall praise Him. I will seek Thee, Lord, by calling on Thee; and will call on Thee, believing in Thee; for to us hast Thou been preached. My faith, Lord, shall call on Thee, which Thou hast given me, wherewith Thou hast inspired me, through the Incarnation of Thy Son, through the ministry of the Preacher.
And how shall I call upon my God, my God and Lord, since, when I call for Him, I shall be calling Him to myself? and what room is there within me, whither my God can come into me? whither can God come into me, God who made heaven and earth?
Book VIII: The Garden
So was I speaking and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart, when, lo! I heard from a neighbouring house a voice, as of boy or girl, I know not, chanting, and oft repeating, Take up and read; Take up and read.
Instantly my countenance altered, I began to think most intently whether children were wont in any kind of play to sing such words: nor could I remember ever to have heard the like. So checking the torrent of my tears, I arose; interpreting it to be no other than a command from God to open the book, and read the first chapter I should find.
For I had heard of Antony, that coming in during the reading of the Gospel, he received the admonition, as if what was being read was spoken to him: Go, sell all that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven, and come and follow me: and by such oracle he was forthwith converted unto Thee.
I seized, opened, and in silence read that section on which my eyes first fell: Not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying; but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh. No further would I read; nor needed I: for instantly at the end of this sentence, by a light as it were of serenity infused into my heart, all the darkness of doubt vanished away.
Book X: Memory and God
Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved Thee! for behold Thou wert within me, and I abroad, and there I searched for Thee; deformed I, plunging amid those fair forms which Thou hadst made. Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee. Things held me far from Thee, which, unless they were in Thee, were not at all. Thou calledst, and shoutedst, and burstest my deafness. Thou flashedst, shonest, and scatteredst my blindness. Thou breathedst odours, and I drew in breath and pant for Thee. I tasted, and hunger and thirst. Thou touchedst me, and I burned for Thy peace.
When I shall with my whole self cleave to Thee, I shall nowhere have sorrow or labour; and my life shall wholly live, as wholly full of Thee.
But now since Thou liftest up him that is bowed down, and they fall not, whose stay Thou art; I am; and I will, and I know: I will persevere, and I know the truth, and the truth shall make me free.